Duct Tape Blues

The latest exchange from the Bush administration reads like a cartoon strip.

CHARLIE BROWN: Lucy, Is it true? I heard that some of the information you used in your yearly State of the Union speech was false. Iraq did not try to buy Uranium from Niger.

LUCY: Yea, I guess so, but, but it was not the whole reason for going to war!

CHARLIE BROWN: How could this happen? Isn't this speech the most reviewed speech a President ever gives?

LUCY: I guess so, but, but It was not the whole reason we used to attack Iraq!

CHARLIE BROWN: Did you make it up so the country would support you in attacking Iraq?

LUCY: If you listen to my speech, I said that according to British Intelligence, they were trying to buy materials from Niger. I never said that WE had proof that Iraq was trying to buy the materials!

CHARLIE BROWN: So, its the Brits fault?

LUCY: I didn't say that, its just that they told us the story and we put it in the speech.

CHARLIE BROWN: I still don't understand how everyone that wrote the story and everyone that previewed thee story didn't question it. Colin Powell did not have it in his UN speech a few days later, because he said it did not look credible?

LUCY: George Tenet should have said something, before I ever said it on TV. Yea, Its George Tenet's fault!

CHARLIE BROWN: So, you didn't make it up, George Tenet just didn't say it wasn't true. But Cheney asked Joseph C. Wilson, the former acting ambassador to Iraq in 1991, to go to Niger and check it out a year ago. He said there was no truth to Iraq buying materials from Niger. Didn't Cheney tell you either?

LUCY: At the time I didn't know it was not true. It was George Tenet's fault.

-------------------------------------------THE NEXT DAY:-----------------------------------------

CHARLIE BROWN: I see that George Tenet said it was all his fault, and that you didn't know it was forged information, because, he did not work hard enough to stop your speech writers from including the bad information in your speech.

LUCY: Yea, it was Tenet's fault alright, but he still has all my faith and support.

CHARLIE BROWN: Is that it, that is all there is to it?

LUCY: Yep, case closed!

CHARLIE BROWN: You mean, you are not going to fire him or anything?

LUCY: No, it was honest mistake, and besides, it was only one little bitty piece of information. There other reasons why we attacked Iraq. This was just a teensy weensie piece.

CHARLIE BROWN: Teensy weensie! Don't you think Congress and a lot of the country went along with you because of that teesy weensie piece?

LUCY: No, that's ridiculous and besides I was right about Iraq trying to buy material for a nuclear bomb!

CHARLIE BROWN: Oh yea?

LUCY: I was right all along! The Brits said they had more information to support the claim that Iraq ...was trying to get materials for an atom bomb to use against us!

CHARLIE BROWN:I know Tony Blair is under the same pressure about this forged piece of information and he said he has additional information to support the U.S. and Britain's pre-emption attack?

LUCY: Yup!

CHARLIE BROWN: So, did the Brits show you their information?

LUCY: Well, no, but I believe them.

CHARLIE BROWN: You said the first bit of information that the Brits gave you was false and that you should not have used it in your speech. What makes you think this information is right?

LUCY: Because.

CHARLIE BROWN: Because?

LUCY: Yup, just because. They are a trusted ally why wouldn't I believe them?

CHARLIE BROWN: I feel like I am on a merry go round.

CHARLIE BROWN: So even though you have not found WMD and you took back the part about Iraq buying materials from Niger, you still stand by all the reasons you gave us to go to war?

LUCY: Yes, and Colin Powell Condoleezza Rice, and Rumsfield have all gone on TV to tell everyone what happened, It was Tenet's fault that the faulty Niger information; that little bitty piece of incorrect information got into my speech and by he way, we will find proof of Iraqi programs to build WMD.

CHARLIE BROWN: Wait a minute, You said Iraq had tons of weapons they could use right now. You specified that they had weapons not just weapons programs.

LUCY: No, I never said they had weapons, I said they had programs.

CHARLIE BROWN:Aren't you trying to change what you originally said?

LUCY: No, that's what everyone else is doing; THEY are revising history, not me!

CHARLIE BROWN: So, by changing what you said is OK?

LUCY: I am not changing what I said. We eliminated a terrible person who killed thousands of his own people and by the way, Saddam is not trying to buy any materials for a nuclear bomb right now! Haw Haw. Thats a good one!

CHARLIE BROWN: I just heard that no one has been able to make any connections between al-Qaida and Iraq. Didn't you say that was another reason for attacking Iraq?

LUCY: I believe we have made our case about that and we will be proven right ; did I mention that Saddam was terrible to his people and he killed thousands of his own people.

CHARLIE BROWN: OK, I'll buy that, but there are a lot of leaders who torture and kill their own people.

LUCY: Yea, but they violated over a dozen separate UN charters!

CHARLIE BROWN: Didn't you say the UN was irrelevant, and didn't you object about giving them any real power in either supporting the war or in rebuilding Iraq?

CHARLIE BROWN: Hasn't Israel violated several UN charters as well?

LUCY: Yea, but those were minor little bitty teensy weensie things.

CHARLIE BROWN: GOOD GRIEF!

LUCY: Come on Charlie Brown, lets go down to the park. I have a new football. I'll tee it up. I'll even let you be the first person to kick it.

CHARLIE BROWN: You promise not to pull it away again just as I run up to kick it!

LUCY: Of course I promise not to pull it away! I'll let you kick it. Have I ever lied to you?